So it all started in sept 2006. I met this great guy (atleast i thought he was my prince charming) anyways, he was perfect i thought. I fell in love with him from the moment we hung out and when i say in love i mean it..I was totally crazy about him and unfortunately i still am. On our first date we went to beach and it was sooo cool i thought everything would be perfect. Everyday i fell in love with him more. There was something about him that i just cant explain but i think it was love. He was really sweet, caring, attentive and most importantly i thought he had fallen in love with me too. Our first christmas together was the best. I was in heaven with this guy. I almost didnt need my family there AT ALL...to me the only thing that was important was this new wonderful guy. Then the second year flew by quickly and we had our ups and downs but we seemed fine. We seemed like the ideal couple that could keep things under control. On our third year into our relationship we started having some minor issues..he had proposed to me and i happily accepted. When we asked our parents what they thought they didnt really agree but they told us they would respect any decision we would make. From there on I kinda felt we were still young i was only about 22 and he was too and i thought to myself "were not ready for marrieage, definately not" so i told him we should wait. He didnt seem happy about it but what could i do, rush into a marriage and have 4 kids and no future? no, thats not what i wanted for me or for my future husband and kids. After that EVERYTHING went down hill. We started arguing and just getting mad over things that didnt make sense. I would spend a lot of time at his house and sometimes i would sleep over and when i say sleep over i would do like a three day slumber party at his house. I didnt care much for my family and all i wanted was to stay away from them. His family were crazies too but for some reason i would rather be with them than my own family. So this whole being at his house 24/7 went on almost since we became bf/gf. I couldnt be away from him. He was my drug that i needed everyday and if i didnt see him i would go crazy. I was so madly in love with him.
so......our third year anniversay came and like i said we were fighting a lot but tried to keep it under control. He was a jealous freak and kind of a control freak at the same time. Thats how he was since the moment i met him. But i didnt mind it at all. There was something i didnt mention in about our first year of dating...i was at his house one day and he wasnt there he had gone to work and he had called me to ask me to turn off his comp, so i go i check out his comp and i notice his email is still on the screen. So i just thought i would look and see what he was up too..i trusted him with my full heart but something told me to look at his email and so i did and i shouldnt have. I found him emailing his ex gf and telling her how wonderful she looked and how it was great that she was going to come and visit california...in my head i was like what the hell am i just looking at LOL!!! He told her how when she came to california he would take her on a tour and take her to the beach..oohhh wow im sure she needed a tour of california with some other girls bf..stupid BEt**...LOL!! So okk i calmed myself down and i called a friend and explained to her what i had just read. I couldnt speak well because i was crying my bloody eyes out and couldnt help myself but to be sooooo freken mad. But then i honestly thought to myself about how this was imature and totally stupid of me to be looking in his emails. So i was able to let it go and just move on with my relationship. I tried confronting him about it in a sneaky way but he would just tell me he was not talking to her and that i needed to chill. Okay so i did chill. So this happend in our first year. After that incident happend i told him somethings that were a bit personal and he exploted on that..calling me names and things he really should have kept to himself..we broke up and later on we got back together. I would always take him back no matter what because i loved him soooo much. So now finally back to year 3, we were happy until a long lost friend facebooked me and started talking to me. Of course it was a guy..we started talking on facebook and i had given him my number so he can text me or call me whenever. I didnt think anything wrong of it because im not the type of girl to cheat or think bad when talking to a guy friend. So then my bf started noticing that i was talking to my friend and i enjoyed his friendship so he became very jealous. One day he just couldnt control himself and told me that i needed to stop talking to him because he didnt approve of it. Of course i was shocked. I didnt know what to do..it was either my friendship or my bf. But i didnt choose i just kept talking to my friend because i wasnt doing anything wrong. Later on the issue got even bigger. One night my bf got me so mad because we had gotten into an argument so i text my guy friend and i started nagging to him about my bf and i said some bad things. A couple days later i leave my phone in his room accidently and he reads my messages and we argue some more and he breaks up with me. So what do i do? yep i panic, i cry, i feel bad and i start to beg..(like an idiot)..so for a couple of days he wouldnt talk to me and i told him i was sorry and that he totally took it out of control..but things did not get any better..so while still broken up for a couple of days i call my guy friend and we hang out..i needed to just get away and talk to someone..we hung out at the beach and it all seemed fine until my bf starts blowing up my phone like a crazy telemarketer..and starts demanding to know where i am and who im with..i didnt tell him i was with my guy friend. I was too scared of what he would do. The next thing i did was i met him at some local place and pretended that i had just finished hanging out with a gf..yeah that didnt work. He was upset and took my phone away and saw the call i had made to my friend. He took away my phone and said that the relationship was over and then he took off in his car. I followed him all the way home in hope of getting him back (yeah right) and no..all i got was me driving home alone feeling like crap. He had taken my phone away so i had no way of calling him or calling my friends. The only thing i was able to do was to go online and msg him thru yahoo and do the same thing with my friends. When i finally contacted him he said he didnt want to talk to me EVER..sure that didnt last long..i got him back and we got back together but with a couple problems that could never be fixed. for the next year it was hell for me. He would throw it in my face EVERYDAY. It was non stop..so finally i had the guts to tell him about the emails and you know what his excuse was? That this chick (ex) was going thru some emotional issues and he was just being NICE..OMG...NICE??? okkayyy...so he still told me he loved me and that he wanted me in his life and that he would work on his issues..we went on trips..we did things together and i thought okkay the storm is over and were finally gonna make it...NOT. Yeah things never got better and we just kept fighting and fighting..i would alway do chores around his house...like cook, clean, pick up after his lazy brother and listen to all the negativity his mom had to say about the world. It would drain me out but would i go home and relax? No, i would stay there and listen and do things that a normal gf would not do. When it was late and he didnt want me sleeping over i would have to go home bc i guess he would want his space. Sometimes i would be soooo stubborn and i wouldnt leave and he would get mad. I know it sounds horrible but i was really in love with him. so by now we've made it thru 2011..YAY...and were happy until valentines day comes. I had gotten him a big card with ballons and had put pictures of us on the card and had written a whole love story on there. So early morning i drive up to his house and i sneak into his room while hes taking a shower and i lay all his gifts on his bed..yay suprise!!! so when he sees it he gets all excited and thennnnnnn tells me he didnt buy me anything bc he didnt have money and that if i could wait till later when he got paid...what the hell..LOL..what are you supposed to say to that..so i said sure (im really understanding..a little too much) i said sure thats no problem..im not about to argue over a stupid gift he couldnt even get me for freken valentines day LOL..but i let it go and i went about my day without a gift..LOL..so later on that evening i get home and he tells me to come over to his house so we can decide what to do for valentines day. Ok sure. So i drive over and i find myself in a situation that i dont know how it happend. But it turns out that not only did he forget to buy a gift for his gf but his mom forgot to buy a gift for her bf and tells us that she needs us to go with her so we can help her pick out a gift. I thought to myself sure why not my day is already sad as it is. So we go to macys and there i am, sitting down picking out a shirt for someone instead of me looking for my own gift LOL...after an hour of searching no joke we go home and i tell him its 10pm do you still want to go do something FUN!! LOL and he tells me he has to get my gift..okay yeah sure lets hit mainplace im sure there open LOL!!! So at this point his mom said a comment that put me on the edge and not wanting to do anything at all..she says "maybe you guys can go tmrw bc its late anyways" ohh okk lady..after i've spent an hour of my valentine life time looking for a stupid gift for her bf all of a sudden im not as important bc its late LOL..okk yeah i felt bad now..so my bf get out of the car and is mad at me bc i decide that his mom was right. It was too late and i honestly was not in the mood to be going to any mall. I'm just sad. wow my bf couldnt get me anything..really sad. So next thing you know we are at walmart and i am waiting in the car for him to get me my gift and my card. Wow..what a way to do it..wonderful surprise. After all of that i let it go and we just went about our day..
so March 2011 came..and my brother was getting married..we attended the wedding everything was great we danced and ate our hearts out. BUT then.....the night came and the wedding party was over and everyone was going home. He told me to go with him and sleep over at his house i told him okay. I had asked him to give me like 15 min to say goodbye to my parents and family and i did. I came back outside where i told him to wait for me and guess what mr. prince charming did? yep...he left without me. I called him and asked him why he left and said i had taken too long. Okay mr i cant wait 15 min..are you kidding me?? whatever, i didnt want to argue i felt really bad. First no gift and then you leave me..freken jack ass..LOL..somehow i got over it and march 12 came around..and this is where it ended..for good..prior to that night i had been texting with my good friend (girl) and had been telling her i was sick of him throwing the whole thing with my friend at the beach thing..it just wasnt fair..he needed to get over it. So i was just so mad with everything that i write in the msg that "maybe i should have just F**cked my guy friend so he could be happy" and yeah...i was just sooooo mad i couldnt understand..and okk so on march 12 we go out to dinner and after that he drops me off and stupid me forgets her phone in his car..and guess what happend?? yes he went thru my msgs and made a huge deal..he drove back to my house to drop off my phone and thats when he told me he had read the msgs and said to me "i dont love you anymore this relationship is truely over". When i heard those words i couldnt belive myself. I thought no hes just playing he always does this..but no he was for real. He said "you dont make me happy anymore and i dont want this anymore". I begged and cried and told him i was sorry and to please not to leave me. But it didnt matter because he still left me. The next day i went to go look for him but he told me to leave because he didnt want to listen to me. He took me off his facebook and im sure he blocked me. Later in a month he changed his number and told his mom to stop talking to me. I've emailed him like crazy and never got a response. But now its May 2011 and there is no reason to look for him or to even consider him anything. I'm still in love with him but im giving up. Hes not for me. He never was and it hurts soooo much. Everyday he comes into my mind but i try not to think about it bc it really tortures me. He was the first guy that i ever ever truely loved with all my heart. I felt such a deep connection with him. And him taking that away from me has broken my heart into little pieces leaving me alone in the cold not knowing what to do. I miss him sooo much but i will forever hold a special place in my heart for him and love him always. But someday i will get thru this and think back at how stupid i was for letting a guy not treat me well. I thought by now he would have looked for me to tell me his love for me just like in the movies but noooo that didnt happend and it never will. He really meant it when he said he didnt love me anymore. How does that happend? your with a person for sooooo long and then one day you just dont love them anymore or what? its okay i should have seen the signs on valentines day..LOL..life will be okay and my heart will function soon hopefully...now im doing better..the first couple of weeks i was suicidal, deppressed and just not right. I wanted to cut my arms with razor blades to numb the pain but then i knew that was insane so i just took myself to starbucks alone without telling my friends anything and when they read this im sure im gonna hear it from them LOL!!! but thats how i felt..i really miss him and i would do anything to have him in my arms again but that is just a dream. The reality of all of this is that my life is now growing into something new and better things will come..this is me and my stupid sad love story..LOL
